Some stories are shared because they’re brave. Some because they’re honest. And some because they might help someone else feel a little less alone. Donna’s story is all three. At 47, she has chosen to open a window into her life — not for attention, but for connection. There is a quiet strength in speaking your truth, and an even deeper strength in offering it to others who might still be struggling in silence.
Stories like Donna’s remind us that healing isn’t just personal — it’s communal. When one woman steps forward with her truth, she lights a path for another. This is the gift Donna is giving: her experience, her courage, and her hope that someone reading will feel seen. By sharing her truth, Donna offers comfort and connection to anyone reading who has ever felt alone in their pain.

This is Donna’s story — brave, honest, and shared with the intention to help.

What type of abuse/trauma did you suffer?

– I have a lot of traumatic events in childhood and beyond. I am going to focus on sexual abuse, though the severe bullying I experienced in my K-12 schools is relevant.

How old were you when the abuse/trauma started, and how old are you now?

– I am 47 years old.
– I was sexually abused off and on from ages 7-12 by another little girl. She didn’t do a lot to me, nor was it frequent. I didn’t even know it was sexual abuse until a few years ago.
– I was sexually harassed by boys and men starting when I was 5 years old. I had my pants and underwear pulled down in kindergarten by older boys. Sexual comments were made to me that I didn’t understand until I was older by older boys and men throughout elementary school. In junior high and high school, boys (and men) verbally and physically sexually harassed me.
– The sexual abuse that did the most damage was perpetrated by my upper elementary teacher. My therapist referred to it as extreme sexual abuse. It was only for that school year, through she took revenge on me for telling on her and that lasted until I left the state.

Did you tell anyone at the time?

– Sexual abuse by the other little girl: no
– Sexual harassment: yes and no. I told about some incidents, but not about most, especially when I learned that the schools wouldn’t do anything about it. I was also told it was flattery that men and boys were treating me like that. (Like an object designed for their use, not a human being)
– Sexual abuse by the upper elementary teacher: I tried to tell in various ways at the time it was happening, but adults didn’t understand what I was saying (e.g. “She’s too pushy.” “She’s too handsy with me, and I don’t like it.” “I hate her.” Etc.). They also didn’t understand my behavior and mood changes, though that was a form of attempting to tell as well.

If you told, what age were you and what was the response?

– This is all regarding the upper elementary teacher.
– I told the following school year. The school counselor believed me and asked me to tell her more. She comforted me and clearly told me what would happen next. She told me she believed me.
– My parents and the few other family members who were told believed me. My parents said they were so sorry.
– The police were awful. They said, “A woman wouldn’t molest a girl.” “She has a husband and sons.” “If she harms herself, you’re responsible.” Etc. They refused to follow the interview protocol that they were supposed to, and they didn’t even ask me the most basic question: Does she have any identifying marks on her body?
– The school may have investigated, but they didn’t bother to talk to me or the classmates who’d teased me about being our teacher’s girlfriend the year before.

If you didn’t tell, what stopped you from telling?

– I didn’t tell on the teacher fully while it was happening because I didn’t have the language to do so. I also hadn’t ever heard of a woman sex offender. It was the “stranger danger” era, and child molesters were depicted mostly as creepy men.
– I didn’t tell on the other little girl for similar reasons. Plus, she’d threatened me and said if I told on her, she’d claim I did that to her and I’d get into trouble. I believed her because her mom always punished me if both of us (or either of us) did something wrong. I was always getting into trouble for what the other little girl did.

The Impact

How has your abuse affected you as an adult?

– After my abuser (teacher) and her enablers launched their vengeance campaign that lasted from shortly after I told on her until I fled my hometown at 19 ½ years old, I pushed the abuse way back into my mind. I didn’t let myself think about it much.
– My parents had gotten me in to see a child psychologist right after I told on my teacher. That psychologist had told me I was fully healed and would never need therapy again. I believed her. So I blamed myself for being defective when things came up, and I ignored them, throwing myself into work.
– Sexual abuse changes a child’s developing brain, body, nervous system, and DNA. Some changes are permanent, as one can’t go back and redo the crucial developmental periods that were impacted during childhood. Other changes can be undone or at least ameliorated to some extent. Therefore, it’s impacted every aspect of my health, because that’s what sexual abuse does.
– It’s caused me to tolerate things I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been so violated. For instance, I was used to being bullied, so when it happened as an adult, I didn’t think I could do anything about it other than try to make myself smaller and try not to stand out. I thought I simply had to survive the cruelty.
– I got into a career that requires overwork, and then into a position where I was given more work than anyone in my department for lower pay. I didn’t know I could do or say anything about that. I thought I had to tolerate injustice, as I’d experienced so much of it.
– I have been disconnected from my body due to the sexual abuse. I didn’t always notice I was sick, hungry, etc., because I had learned to ignore messages from my body.
– Like many survivors, I have an autoimmune illness (long covid), and I had a lot of gynecological problems, including precancerous cells.
– All impacts haven’t been adverse, though. I became the adult I needed. I also became an advocate. I do all I can to protect children. I also educate others about sexual abuse, including the impacts, possible signs, and more.

Do you suffer with any mental health issues such as CPTSD, BPD, depression, anxiety, or others?

– I was diagnosed with PTSD after I told on my teacher. The U.S. doesn’t recognize CPTSD.
– I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the past, though those symptoms have decreased as I’ve been actively working on healing.

How has it affected your mental health overall?

– I was taught to hate myself, to people-please, to ignore my needs, etc. So that’s what I did.
– I am learning to love myself…and I truly do love who I’ve become. A friend called me a badass warrior goddess, and that’s fairly accurate.
– I’m learning self-compassion.
– I have been able to maintain my capacity to find joy in the small things. That’s what’s gotten me through everything. I laugh easily and love deeply. I delight in rainbows, sunsets, sunrises, trees, flowers, oceans, etc. etc. Nature fills me with joy and heals me. I have a huge heart and a strong drive to try to prevent what happened to me from happening to anyone ever again. I always have. (In fact, the reason I went to the school counselor is because it occurred to me that my teacher could be sexually abusing another little girl. I wanted to try to help that hypothetical little girl and any others my teacher might molest in the future.)

Are you, or have you ever been, part of a mental health team or therapy?

– Yes. I was in therapy immediately after telling on my teacher. That therapist did some good things and some harmful things.
– I’ve been in therapy since I started on my healing journey in summer 2022. I moved across the country over a year ago, so I had to re-establish myself with a new therapist.

Do you feel your mental health is taken seriously by professionals?

– Yes.

How has the abuse affected your relationships (romantic, family, friends)?

– In the past, I found it hard to believe that people cared about me. That’s not true anymore. I know now that I’m loved and lovable.

How does your past abuse affect your self-care or how you treat yourself?

– I kinda answered this before, but I wasn’t kind to myself or the longest time, and I didn’t really engage in much self-care beyond necessity (e.g. daily life tasks) or spending time in nature, writing, reading, and creating.

The Present

Is your abuser still in your life in any way?

– No. The teacher’s dead. And I can’t see how she would have been in my life after all she’d done to me, including the retaliation campaign.
– I pulled away from the little girl who abused me when we were children, and the friendship fell apart. I haven’t seen her since. But I don’t blame her for what she did. She was too little to understand what she was doing. She was likely repeating something that was done to her or something she’d seen. The impact on me is the same, of course, but she was too young to understand what she was doing or that it was harmful.

Do you still get triggered?
– Yes, I do. I started my healing journey as an adult in late summer 2022. I am currently doing more EMDR work to hopefully eliminate them. However, I am triggered far less than I was a few years ago. I see so much growth.

How do you cope when memories or triggers come up?

– I have a lot of coping strategies. I sometimes use a warm or cold compress on my eyes and meditate (guided meditation). I go out in nature. I ground myself. I do breathing exercises, and so much more.
– I journal—written and/or art.
– I talk with my therapist at our session if needed.

What helps you feel safe today?

– Shelter, food, etc. like everyone needs
– Authenticity, kindness, compassion
– My loved ones
– Animals
– Nature

What boundaries have you learned to set?

– It depends on with whom and for what purpose. Boundaries vary by situation. If you want a specific example, let me know.
– Healing & Meaning

What does healing mean to you?

– Healing is something that is ever-evolving as life goes on. It’s not a static “end.”
– Healing looks like self-compassion, self-love, advocacy, self-care, understanding, and more. It’s always been so easy to be loving, compassion, and kind to others, and I’m learning to do the same for myself.
– Healing looks like personal growth, including meeting or altering goals to be more suited for my needs as things change.
– Healing looks like mitigation of as many impacts as possible.
– Healing looks like fewer nightmares, flashbacks, triggers, etc., as well as more tools to manage them.
– Healing looks like more peace, more energy, etc.

What have you learned about yourself through healing?

– I always deserved better than abuse. I still do.
– I’m stronger than I realized, more creative, etc.
– I don’t need to keep myself small. It’s okay to be successful, and it doesn’t mean someone will take away my successes like they did when my abuser and her enablers were enacting their vengeance on me.

What do you wish people understood about survivors?

– “You are so strong.” Yes, we are. But we also didn’t have a choice. We often wish we had been safe so we didn’t have to be strong or stuck in survival mode for so long.
– We are all different, though there are commonalities among the impacts.
– Listening to us, truly hearing our words, pauses, body language, etc., is sometimes one of the best things our allies can do. As is simply being present.
– We’ve usually experienced betrayal of some form, especially for the majority of us who knew (and likely loved) our abuser(s). We may have fear of betrayal or abandonment, and authenticity helps with that.
– We aren’t puzzles to be solved. We’re human beings who have a wealth of strengths. See us as more than “just” survivors.
– Sexual abuse can be financially devastating. Healing is expensive, and many of us can’t afford all that we need to heal, like various types of therapy. We may not have access to all or even any of what we need.
– The vast majority of us never get justice. We aren’t usually consulted on what kind of justice we need either. The injustice system typically causes additional trauma to survivors and does little or nothing to help them. (U.S.-based response)
– The injustice system needs to be redesigned to be less traumatizing for survivors, and survivors need to have a say in what they want to happen. As it is, the state is seen as the victim, and the victim is not considered. The perpetrator and the state are centered. There usually aren’t restorative justice options either.
– Our conceptions of justice may look different from what others imagine.
– The harm happened in community, and healing needs to happen in community as well.

If you could speak to your younger self, what would you say?

Sweet girl, you deserve so much better. You should be loved and cherished as you are. You should be protected. You are valuable and worthy exactly as you are, and you are a miracle. You are lovable and deeply loved.
None of this is your fault. You didn’t cause the abuse. The only cause of abuse is an abuser chooses to abuse. It is never the victim’s fault, no matter what some may say to justify their failure to protect you.

Her enablers are abusing you too, emotionally and/or psychologically, and that is their choice. It says everything about them and nothing about you. You deserve to get the honors and awards you’ve earned. They are cruel for taking them from you.

The teacher did evil things because of something within her that is deeply damaged. Instead of seeking help to prevent herself from doing that evil, she chose to perpetrate it. That is something wrong with her, not with you.
It gets better. I promise you. You will change lives for the better. You will be the adult you needed. You will be an advocate. You will be a leader. You will make a positive difference in the world.
You are already amazing. You shine so brightly. You are incredibly creative and smart. You have so many strengths, darling girl. I am in awe of you, and I wish I could go back in time to save you from all of the harm. I love you times infinity.

What kind of support or change do you wish existed for survivors?

– The injustice system needs to change. Right now, there is very little chance of a survivor getting anything in the way of justice or help to heal. Typically, the injustice system traumatizes survivors more than it helps. (U.S.-based response)
– Survivors should have a say in what they need for justice and for healing.
– Survivors shouldn’t have to go broke or otherwise be financially drained to heal the impacts of someone else’s criminal actions.
– There need to be more prevention programs in place. We know ways to prevent sexual and other abuse. Yet those who want to do or are doing the work often don’t have the funds, etc., needed.
– Laws need to be passed that protect survivors, help us get the help we need to heal, and hold perpetrators accountable. Additionally, laws need to be passed to help prevent sexual abuse from happening.
– There needs to be more access to all of the healing services we need (financial and otherwise).

Is there anything you want to say to other survivors?

– You deserve better. You always deserved better.
– You are precious, lovable, and loved. Although it’s hard and dysregulating at first, you deserve the love, compassion, and kindness you give to others, and you can give that to yourself.
– Healing takes time. It’s not a race. Your body needs safety first. Going slowly is essential. If you rush, you may burn out. You also need rest in order to integrate what you learn.
– Sometimes it feels like you’re going backward, but you’re actually spiraling around and tackling something from a different perspective, with new skills. It’s all part of the dance of healing.
– Self-love, self-compassion, and self-care are necessary skills that can take a long time to develop. Have patience with yourself.
– You are perfectly you. And you deserve the best life has to offer.
– Only you know what is right for you. While it’s important to consider different perspectives, check in with yourself to determine what resonates most with you.
-Different types of therapy are usually needed to help survivors heal, and somatic therapy is nearly always needed, as the body stores trauma, and somatic work helps release it.
– Acknowledge your wins. Look back at how far you’ve come. Celebrate yourself.
– I am proud of you.

Is there anything else you would like to share about your journey?

1. Something that has been really hard for me is some survivors are repeatedly erased in narratives to this day. Most resources for survivors are geared toward women who were sexually abused as children by men and/or boys. There are getting to be more resources for men who were abused as children by men/boys or women/girls. There some resources who mention the previous categories of survivors only, not acknowledging that there are women who were abused as children by women and/or girls, but many do not even mention us. There are even fewer resources who acknowledge the existence of non-binary survivors.
For most of my life, I saw no representation of a survivor like me. It was only three years ago that I saw survivors like me acknowledged in anything. The exclusion and/or erasure of some survivors from books, research articles, and other media sends a message that those survivors don’t matter. It adds an additional layer of pain to the pain caused by sexual abuse, especially when it’s a nearly constant experience for the survivors who are excluded.
It also silences survivors. When the message is that the abuse you experienced doesn’t matter or doesn’t happen to anyone else, it can be even more challenging to come forward. That’s part of why I mostly kept silent about it for decades after my teacher and her enablers started their vengeance campaign. I told a few people, but cruel and ignorant comments silenced me further, and unless it was in response to someone coming out to me as a survivor, I hold only a handful of people in several decades.
Additionally, it helps protect the perpetrators like my teacher. It leads to views like the police had, that a woman wouldn’t molest a girl. Those views can result in what happened in my case: botched investigations that let the perpetrator go free to sexually abuse more children.

2. There are many ways adults can protect children, including in schools. I’m currently revising my trainings for teachers to include new research and to refine various aspects based on feedback. I am happy to share some examples of things that can be done to protect children.

3. I will not share the name of my abuser or the exact grade I was in. I don’t want people to figure out who she was. Her family is not responsible for her actions, and I don’t want them to get any blowback from what she did. I also don’t want the focus to be on my abuser. She always centered herself in what she did to me. I’m centering myself in my healing journey.

4. Although what was done to me has devastated me, I am taking the horror and pain and transmuting it. I am creating art out of destruction. I am creating a mosaic of love, healing, advocacy, and joy. I am forging my path forward with the tools I have, and I am doing my best to create a better world for others in this and the following generations.

Donna’s Truth: A Story of Courage and Healing.

Donna’s story stands out as a reminder that courage doesn’t always roar – sometimes it simply tells the truth. By choosing to share her experiences, she’s offered a hand to anyone walking a similar path, showing that healing grows stronger when we are not alone.

Every story like hers adds a quiet revolution of honesty, resilience and hope. And while her journey continues, the light she has shared here will ripple outward, touching others in ways she may never fully see.

To Donna – Thank you for your bravery, your openness and your willingness to help others through your truth.

May your honesty remind anyone reading that healing doesn’t happen alone – it happens together, story by story. And may your story inspire more women to speak, rise and heal together.